There are plenty of movies where the protagonists are flying across the Atlantic and they arrive at the other end fresh faced and looking amazing, gleefully running up to those waiting for them with a kiss or a hug. Think of Love Actually for example. That is bullshit. Granted I’m not a Hollywood star but I’d like to see someone who doesn’t look like an extra from Shaun of the Dead after an overnight transatlantic flight. I’m used to travelling alone and after 7 hours in a narrow cabin invariably sat next to someone who either has portion control issues (to put it tactfully) or a callous disregard for the finer parts of personal hygiene I have lost the will to live by the time the plane lands. This time will be different, however, I will have my wife sat next to me on the flight tomorrow and my parents meeting us at the airport. I won’t be able to sleep on the flight but at least I’ll have a companion to kick the chair in front with if they fully recline it into my face the second the food is served.
I’m sure it’s going to be a little emotional returning to my homeland for the first time since I moved to the US and I’m going to be viewing everything a little differently. Portions in restaurants and cars are going to seem a lot smaller and the service a little less polite but at least people can queue properly in the UK. I have so much planned for the next ten days that I’m probably not going to get a chance to dwell on what I’ve missed. On the agenda are several Christmas markets, time in London and hopefully some nice walks if the weather isn’t being too British. My only regret is that we won’t get to spend Christmas Day in the UK but that can wait until hell freezes over before I fork out $1200 for a return flight! 9 days is a decent amount of time to spend back home anyway. It’s only been 5 months but I already have a craving for my native land that can only be satiated by using money with a picture of the Queen on it and saying bloody hell without people looking at me strangely.
Another Hollywood myth that I would like to debunk in this post is that everything will be covered in a beautiful layer of snow. It rarely snows in southern England and when it does it’s usually a nightmare because people don’t know how to deal with it. Next time you watch The Holiday, mentally replace the snow with miserable constant rain and you will be closer to a British December. That doesn’t matter though because I will be able to spend time with my family and England looks great whatever the weather (unless you are in Milton Keynes). On the way home my suitcase is going to be bulging with more tea than the revolutionaries dumped into Boston Harbour and plenty of chocolate. I’m aware that this makes me a bit of a stereotype but I can’t miss out on the opportunity to stock up and not pay import prices in a shop with a ridiculously fake British name like “Jolly Goods” and I don’t know when I’m next going to be in the UK. I do know that my next post will be from 3000 miles away though 🙂